Sometimes I wish I was eloquent like the smart kids that are always making hateful remarks about other's stupidity on the internet. I wish I could come up with witty replies that make me sound interesting and smart. The me I want to be seems unreachable, as if there was something that would always stop me from becoming the ideal figure of myself that I always dream of.
I always think about this at nigh, "what's stopping me?" And after thinking it over and over on countless sleepless nights I believe I have finally found the answer to my main worry; Myself. Something inside my head or my heart is stopping me. Could the idea of being happy terrify my soul and keep it from accomplishing any greater state? The thought frightens me, but it's slowly becoming clearer. I have become so comfortable with being miserable and unhappy, not sad, that I'm afraid of being any different. Yes, I always wish for happiness, to have a nice day and enjoy laughter any any other positive thing, but I'm afraid of change. Therefore, my conclusion of being afraid of happiness, this brooding state I have lived in for several years now has become my comfort zone and just the thought of leaving it puts my balance off and creates anxiety deep inside me.
