people always tell me its good to be Independent
but its nice to have someone you can rely on.
I do have trust issues
and even if I do seem to open up to people that doen't exactly mean I trust them
or that I even consider them a friend
Its hard to trust when you have been heartbroken so many times.
I am afraid to get hurt so I stay away and don't take chances.
I don't like surprises I like to know what will happen
and I like having control over what I do and the outcome of it.
If I don't look after myself no one else will.
Lately I've been really confused
everything seems so ambiguous
or it seems like does simple equations that I don't understand
no matter how simple they are
Maybe I'm just tired
or bored.....
I don't even feel like day dreaming anymore
when that was all i did in life
day dream
and it kept me content to some extent.
I don't want to say I'm growing up because I believe that growing up means maturing
and I'm not mature,
at least I don't consider my self mature at all.
I believe mature people don't dwell on problems,
they try to find a solution for them instead of just ignoring them
I would like to talk to my mom about "my feeling"
but she would assume that its all being caused by the current situation we are in
when actually I've been feeling like this for a long time
a very long time....
so long a go I can't even remember when it all started.
Maybe I am tired
or just bored
I just want to be the beast in the field
that stays in the pasture all day
and sleeps under the sun.
i would eventually get bored of it,
but perhaps that would be the correct life style for me.
I never know.
I think Socrates was the smartest man alive
because he knew
that he didn't know nothing
and he trolled people... now that is what I would call a good role model
Ive also been relating to a dead painter
Raphael.
Talented, but not driven.
Not very intellectual, just wanting to achieve a higher status.
I'm not trying to compare my self, obviously he was an amazing painter
and I don't even reach mediocrity
Maybe I'm tired
or just bored
